This is a new story we recently heard through a colleague of my husband’s–wonderful dream of an unborn child changed Heidi’s life forever.
Heidi , who is a nurse by profession, wanted a family of only boys. She had experienced sadness and trauma as a child and was literally afraid that she might pass dysfunctional traits on to a girl of her own. So when she and her husband learned she was pregnant and it was a boy, they were delighted.
My husband Brent retells the rest of her story:
My husband is Jewish so we chose to follow a tradition in which the first child is named after an ancestor. However, it is disrespectful to use the full name of the ancestor so only the first initial is used. We chose an ancestor whose name began with B and began pondering “B” names, but we were not coming up with a name that felt comfortable. Then one day I was all alone and heard a voice from an unseen source declare clearly and emphatically, ‘My name is Brian!’ When I told my husband, he immediately agreed, ‘Yes, that’s it, his name is Brian.’
I reemphasize my gratitude, even relief, to be having a son and not a daughter. My relationship with my mother was very stressful from my earliest memories and continued so right into adulthood. As a result, I never wanted to have a girl of my own for fear I might repeat the pattern. I definitely did not want to risk another little girl going through what I went through. I believed boys were safer…I wanted only sons…that is, until my dream….
Not long after conceiving Brian, I had a dream in which, to my surprise, I saw my future son. Brian was speaking with a girl named Alex, who I recognized immediately as my future daughter. In the dream I heard Lexi, as we came to call her, say, ‘Brian, Mom does not want me. You go down first and be a really good child so Mom will be convinced it’s okay to have me.’
Not only was Brian a good child who fulfilled his sister’s wishes, thus reducing my mothering fears and helping me desire more children, but over the next couple of years I had multiple experiences when I felt the spirit of my unborn daughter near. Because I had a good mother-child relationship with Brian, my faith increased that I would also be a good mother to a girl. So even before Lexi was conceived, I had already bonded with her and knew some of her personality traits. She was a very old soul, very wise and kind, a leader, an organizer, a great feminine spirit who would be my special companion and a mighty blessing in my life.
When I became pregnant with Lexi, both my husband and I knew the very moment of conception. What we did not expect was twins! We soon learned that Lexi was bringing with her a brother, a bonus child! However, I have extremely difficult pregnancies and the strain of carrying and nourishing two developing children inside me was so stressful that at times I felt as if I wanted to die, and might have been tempted if I could have found a way for relief without harming the children. It was that age old mothering instinct to protect and nurture our offspring that gave me the strength to get through the pregnancy.
We always felt like Lexi, always looking out for her brothers, let Ben be born first. At this writing Lexi and Ben are ten years of age. I now believe Lexi brought Ben with her because she knew I would be unable to have more children after my second pregnancy. I am grateful for all our children, but as I was given to know before Lexi was even conceived, she has been and is a great blessing and companion to me. I like to say, ‘Lexi brought me my boys…including Ben, our bonus baby.’